God Please Grand me Wisdom and Strength

Dear God,

I have a big fight with my wife for over 3 weeks and things are so far not getting any better but in fact over the weekend it had became worse.

I prayed to you on Sunday and felt light and relieved on Sunday and Monday. My wife was even talking to me on something (something is better than nothing) and drove me to work this morning. However, you could still feel a very strong negative energy in her or in our relationship.

I sent her a small bear and a card as a surprise, I hope that could work, or at least improve the situation slightly but again, after dropping me off. I really feel that there is still a huge problem between her and me.

I am willing to be the first one to say sorry and mitigate our relationship and I pray to God and hope that I could pass my burden to God and all the negative energy to Him.

God, please listen to my prayer, I really need your help to mend our relationship this time, for I have no way but I believe God you have the method. Please grand me the wisdom and strength for making up with my wife and grand me patience and love to me beloved wife.

Over the years

Over the years, I think I have put too much effort to find a way to improve myself in all aspects. I keep looking outside to find a way to improve myself and I totally forgotten the need of actual improvement, which is from internal rather than external.

My wife in particular suffers a lot these years. Of course, as a traditional Chinese woman, she maintain her quietness keep on her hard work of looking after the family, while I am doing all sorts of adventure.

I think it is time to change, or for me to change internally, the way to look at women, especially my beloved wife. My humble thought is that, if I start to change the way to look at my wife, the way I treat my wife, she will know and remember how much we are in love.

Dear, except longing to put you in my arms again, I have all the patience for you, to listen to you and love you.  

Happily Ever After

It is been a long time since I wrote in this blog. It appears that life had be very good to me for the last few years or maybe I am just too busy.

My Mater have reminded me many times that there is always challenges in life, in all aspects in your life but I just turn a blind eye to it, thinking my life is good. I have a good family, a good and lovely wife, a good job, good health (just a bit fatter) and everything seems to be good expect one or two things, which cannot fix in due time.

Things happened on boxing day, while people enjoying their enjoyable festival, I am sick, I am at home and I have arguments with my beloved one. This in consequence creates some more skirmishes and some more sparkling in our very clam and boring marriage.

For four years, I have immersed myself with work, kids and my personal stuff, e.g. karate, masonry, going out for my own stuff, holidays, etc. My life seems to be very colourful, if you do not agreed, find me on facebook. I am fully engaged. My beloved wife, what she did in the last four years is support me, keep her mouth shut and keep supporting me. She never told me how stressful she is, how she felt and she appears to me to be happy. On my part, I seems to be too busy and just have no time to care at all. I never realise my wife needs personal time for herself, and may be she never told me or the higher chance is that she have told me and I did not take it whole heartily. 

On that boxing day mentioned above, the sparkling comes, I shout at her and said she was not suppose to go out late but in fact, I have not look into the fact that she have not been out so late without me next to her for years. For me, maybe I am very old school, I think women shall not be going out that late. Yet, I have never figure out that she just wish to find her own escape or in another terms to get some fresh air.

Over the pass 8 years something, we have been go on for some ups and downs in our relationship and this is in fact the first major melt down after we married. What appears to be a very joy and happy household appears to be full of troublesome. 

In Thailand, I remember I said something to God that I have a very good family and I thank him. But now I believed that the situation we have before are not ideal in his mind and he want us to change. To change for the better. In fact, I start to ask if I love my wife, if I love her enough, if I love her the way she wanted me, if I have done enough, I start to be pathetic, doing everything crazy and think that may make things changed overnight. Yet, I does not appear that way or in anyway appear to be successful. It seems to make things worse.

I admit I am not the perfect person, at least not as perfect as I look like or I believe in myself but my wife is always bigger than my ego and I am willing to change for her and for her happiness. Just that I am not doing good enough. 

I understand how much I love before I decided I marry her and I hope she will remember and hopefully still thinks the same. I hope I can remember all these reasons behind why I married her and accept the challenges I have to take to put this family back in place. Mend our relationship and keep my sanity while waiting for my dear. I hope things will come to a happy ending.  The bitterness of the cold, I am here to suffer, if that could eventually be melted and become soft and tender again.

For my wife, I have only one word to say, I love you, if anything have to be done to make you smile again, I do. 

May God grand me strength and wisdom to face this situation, be calm and be patience.