Happily Ever After?

After a turbulence relationship, I settled down with the love of my life in 2011. Thinking that I could relax and focus on doing my own things.

I lived a happy and joyful life with my beloved wife and my wonderful sons for a good 5 years.

Unfortunately, my cold shoulder, my neglect and worse come worse, my bad temper had torn our marriage and I am now almost 4 years away from home.

I have been torture in every mean of life during these 4 years. Life attacked me in all fronts and I could hardly breath.

My wife ignored me, which I felt angry and resent in the beginning. I apologise to her. I yelled at her and I sent her various gifts but none of these help our relationship.

I work on myself and which I kept working on myself, I wanted to improve, to improve myself, so that I could worth the love of my wife. I asked the God/Universe to help me, I wanted to control my temper and I never want this marriage to fail.

Javyan, the love of my life, I realise how painful you are and all I wish to do is to love you and care about you till the day I die.

A Wake Up Call in Life

Over the last 4 months, my life has been turning up side down. Problem with family, work all mixed together and appears that God had a different view about what I suppose to do in my life and my priority in life.

The old concept seem not working at all and there is a strong push for me to rethink what means to me and what they are.

I used to focus on work and making more money, as I feel I am always lack of it and still am, but does that fix all my problem, at least at this very moment, no. I does not help me in anyway. I appear that only love seem to mean something for me, love from family, from friends and love of life.

Life used to be miserable to me and still am at the very point of time, but you need to love it, embrace it the way it is and make the most of it, rather than making more complains and excuses.

From today, I will stop complain and make my life enjoyable and hopefully all good things emanates.

Today is the date to 'celebrate' the first month anniversary at my temporary home, which to me is more or less like a self-made prison, which no sentence, no date and no hope.

For over the last few months, I am not sure why me and my wife would end up like what is today and recently, I found out a lot of people at my position have a very similar situation in their 40s. I wish this could end soon but I really have no idea.

I know what is lacking between me and my wife, QUALITY TIME, I simply do not focus to give any spare time for her any my family and thanks to Kevin, I know what are the important features in love which I hope I could tackle all of them and mitigate to my wife.

I have moved away from home for a whole month as of now and I realize the problem between us.

1) I have a very bad temper which when triggered very hard to stop.
2) We have never see any good example of good couples on how to resolve conflicts in marriage, as both of our parents were not good examples
3) We have over estimated our abilities, e.g. she have over estimated her ability of being a full time mom and house wife, while I have over estimated my ability to stay clam working at home, etc.
4) We do not have any date nights for a very long time, which caused lack of communications, I mean quality communications.
5) I have a haunting childhood, which my childhood memory comes up when I see the same situation at home.
6) I do not know how to prioritize work and family life, for a very long time, work always come first, which is very wrong.
7) I do not have enough or enough quality time with my family or good real care of my family members, a lot of the time, the care is just skin deep. I admit that I am not sensitive and care enough.
8) I always think that when I provided good material life, my family will be happy and in fact no.
9) My wife is very independent and some time a bit wild, so, I have miss treated her as a normal Chinese housewife.
10) I do not appreciate my wife enough for all she had done and some time, my wife being a bit stubborn, she do not know how to show she love me, I actually just need a hug or a kiss after a long day.

Thank you very much for this I call "Family Incident 2016", I realize that I have miss treated my family for so long and they deserve better. As it is still April at the moment, I would dedicate the remaining of the year to improve myself, to improve the way I treat my family, to show more appreciation, to care more and to love more. I hope my beloved wife would realize the effort I have made and the changes I have done and hope we could reunite very soon.

After over two months of arguments and two major fights with my wife, I have now moved to a hotel and looking for an apartment to live, while waiting for me beloved wife to calm down, so that we could speak and sort out our problems.

In the meantime, I found out that I have Major Depression and started to take medication, which hopefully could control my mood and hope in the long run, when I united with family, I will no longer be that moody and gave so much stress to my family.

Depression is a problem, as my doctor suggested, caused by the way I was brought up, always being left alone since I was 4 and I still remember many horrible scenes in the family when I grow up, which hopefully with the help of my doctor and councilor, I could tackle them now before they cause any tragedy to me or my family.

I truly love my wife and that's why I tended to care too much, which caused stress to her and also because of my insecurity, things turn quite bad some time. I really have to change and improve myself to be a fit and proper person to love and to be with my family.

God, please grand me strength and health to tackle all these problems, I know you are always with me.

After all these years and all these ups and downs in my life, I finally realise that I have been an old dog for too long and stop myself from learning new tricks and open myself to new idea.

That turned into my love life too. I think my wife should be doing A, B and C, but instead this is not what she wanted and now it just come to a time when we have a huge problem and I personally could not find a way out. I try to do everything, begging her, yelling at her, shouting and her and worse come worse thrown a chair towards her.

Two months have nearly past and there is only very little improvement in our relationship. We do not yell or shout at each other anymore, we (at least I) do not feel the hate anymore.

Thank you very much to Uncle Calvin who told me that I am not humble enough and not love my wife enough, which caused all these trouble. Of course, there is problem about how we communicate too. Wish Whatsapp, messaging apps and many other apps, smart phones, we are no longer talking to each other. We message each other, we don't talk, so when we need to talk, we don't know how to.

Over the past four years, I recalled myself have very little time talking to my wife which is sad. Now, with my wife blocking off my Whatsapp, FB Messenger, I speak to her or just a few SMS that all. We have to speak.

God, I pray to you, please give me wisdom, strength, patience, confident and love so that I could over come. Please heal the wounds of my wife and make her open up her heart for me again.

I love my wife and I will be here for her for as long as I shall live.

Javyan, you are my true and only love.

事有喜 面有光 終始好商量 壺中日月長

事有喜 面有光 終始好商量 壺中日月長. Hope this is accurate!